news in review · random · reflection

Gee, I always wanted a pet that could kill me.

Thank you, Mike Wazowski. You know, pets are nice. I have two kitties. Dogs are nice (if they don’t jump on you). (small) Snakes are nice, birds are nice, fish are nice, etc. etc.

Chimps are not pets.

A chimpanzee is a wild animal and one of the closest ape relatives to homo sapiens. A chimpanzee has intelligence and can learn many things, but it still responds to instinct. An Elmo doll freaks out humans so it’s not a stretch to think that it would freak out a chimpanzee. I find it really strange that there were no regulations in place in that part of Connecticut that prevented the importation and purchase of an exotic wild animal (who was then forced to wear diapers and do human things – poor thing should have been in an ape sanctuary with other chimps). An unprovoked dog attack that resulted in injury would probably have better follow-up.

In other news:
Woman arrested over breast cancer “charade” – She says she doesn’t know why she made up the story in the first place….right. She kept up the lie for five years and accepted leave donations, money, and support for survivor groups. Selfish, much?
Black pastors ask Burris to resign – These were the same pastors who supported his appointment in the first place. I want to know what went through Burris’s head; did he think that no one would ever double-check and make sure he didn’t buy the appointment? Blagojevich is getting investigated, so the federal prosecutors are going to go through every shred of paper/Internet ephemera/wiretaps so any links to donations, etc. are going to be found. Do politicians require a paycheck at all? If graft is involved they already make enough money.
Shooting pigs from helicopters? – Is the chopper really neccessary? I understand there’s a population boom on the pigs side and they’re causing havoc among the ranchers and farmers but can’t they be hunted like everything else? (Side note: I’ve never been hunting in my life, so I don’t know much about it beyond killing animals, and I’ve no wish to ever go hunting)
9-year-old pleads guilty in AZ – I understand that something needed to be done but does that child really understand what happened? I hope he gets help. Lots and lots of help.
Local yokel found with steroids and cancer drugs – Iowa has lots of meth and pot. However, this dude was found to be in possession of not only pot but also Clomiphene (treats female infertility, but can also be used as an anabolic steroids), methylphenidate (aka Ritalin), oxandrolone (steroid), stanzolol (steroid), five vials of testosterone, and, get this, tamoxifen which is used to treat breast cancer. I wonder if he even knows what he had because, of course, he didn’t have prescriptions for any of it.
Des Moines County jail will not charge for TP – that was the best money-saving idea they could come up with? Wow.
Men view women in bikinis as “objects” – Someone wasted research money on this? I hope it wasn’t a lot since the answer is duh. I want to know why they only used 21 heterosexual, male undergraduates as subjects; if the study was being conducted at Princeton they have a much larger population to draw from.

(This news thing is kind of fun)

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